(all examples are fictional unless proven otherwise)
"My roommate keeps throwing parties in our dorm without asking my permission. She pretends to not be able to speak English when I confront her about it. She also hides alcohol everywhere, and it's becoming a bit of a safety hazard. What should I do?"
The answer: Throw a larger, louder party and tape a poster outside your room that invites everyone but her. Lock the door once the party's started. If or when confronted, reply exclusively in American Sign Language.
"My professor has a very strict no-lateness policy, but it takes me a long time to get to the lecture from my last class. She can't be reasoned with, but I don't want to drop the class. Any help?"
The answer: Engage in a plot to plant silly traps along the path your professor takes to class. Hire a mariachi band to stall her at the elevators. Paint a fake door on the wall that works when you walk in but becomes a drawing when she tries it. When she becomes the late one, you'll be bound by the syllabus to teach the class in her stead, effectively dethroning her and her lateness policies.
