CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS
Confidential Assessment - Your Style Under Stress
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1. At times I avoid situations that might bring me into contact with people I'm having problems with. *
2. I have put off returning phone calls or e-mails because I simply didn't want to deal with the person who sent them. *
3. Sometimes when people bring up a touchy or awkward issue I try to change the subject. *
4. When it comes to dealing with awkward or stressful subjects, sometimes I hold back rather than give my full and candid opinion. *
5. Rather than tell people exactly what I think, sometimes I rely on jokes, sarcasm, or snide remarks to let them know I'm frustrated. *
6. When I've got something tough to bring up, sometimes I offer weak or insincere compliments to soften the blow. *
7. In order to get my point across, I sometimes exaggerate my side of the argument. *
8. If I seem to be losing control of a conversation, I might cut people off or change the subject in order to bring it back to where I think it should be. *
9. When others make points that seem stupid to me, I sometimes let them know it without holding back at all. *
10. When I'm stunned by a comment, sometimes I say things that others might take as forceful or attacking—terms such as "Give me a break!" or "That's ridiculous!" *
11. Sometimes when things get a bit heated I move from arguing against others' points to saying things that might hurt them personally. *
12. If I really get into a heated discussion, I've been known to be tough on the other person. In fact, they might even feel a bit insulted or hurt. *
13. When I'm discussing an important topic with others, sometimes I move from trying to make my point to trying to win the battle. *
14. In the middle of a tough conversation, I often get so caught up in arguments that I don't see how I'm coming across to others. *
15. When talking gets tough and I do something hurtful, I'm quick to apologize for my mistakes *
16. When I think about a conversation that took a bad turn, I tend to focus first on what I did that was wrong rather than focus on others' mistakes. *
17. When I've got something to say that others might not want to hear, I avoid starting out with tough conclusions, and instead start with facts that help them understand where I'm coming from. *
18. I can tell very quickly when others are holding back or feeling defensive in a conversation. *
19. Sometimes I decide it's better not to give harsh feedback because I know it's bound to cause problems. *
20. When conversations aren't working, I step back from the fray, think about what's happening, and take steps to make it better. *
21. When others get defensive because they misunderstand me, I immediately get us back on track by clarifying what I do and don't mean. *
22. There are some people I'm rough on because, to be honest, they need or deserve what I give them. *
23. I sometimes make absolute statements like "The fact is..." or "It's obvious that..." to be sure my point gets across. *
24. If others hesitate to share their views, I sincerely invite them to say what's on their mind, no matter what it is. *
25. At times I argue hard for my view hoping to keep others from bringing up opinions that would be a waste of energy to discuss anyway. *
26. Even when things get tense, I adapt quickly to how others are responding to me and try a new strategy. *
27. When I find that I'm at cross purposes with someone, I often keep trying to win my way rather than looking for common ground. *
28. When things don't go well, I'm more inclined to see the mistakes others made than notice my own role. *
29. After I share strong opinions, I go out of my way to invite others to share their views, particularly opposing ones. *
30. When others hesitate to share their views, I do whatever I can to make it safe for them to speak honestly. *
31. Sometimes I have to discuss things I thought had been settled because I don't keep track of what was discussed before. *
32. I find myself in situations where people get their feelings hurt because they thought they would have more of a say in final decisions than they end up having. *
33. I get frustrated sometimes at how long it takes some groups to make decisions because too many people are involved. *
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