The news this week about Sarah Everard has been horrifying. For many of us, Sarah did exactly what every young woman is told to do. She took what she thought was the safest route home - a well-lit road which was likely busy with people along her journey. She called her boyfriend. She wore bright clothing.

This behaviour will be very familiar to every woman reading this - Sarah modified her behaviour as we all do. She modified her behaviour because women are taught from the earliest age that they are not safe.

Every single woman you know has a story or memory about harassment and their own public safety. Whether it be taking a longer route home to avoid dark or quiet roads, getting off public transport early, pretending to listen to music through headphones to avoid someone’s attention, holding keys in our hand while travelling, faking a phone call, avoiding running or exercising in the dark, women from marginalised groups hiding their vulnerabilities to make them less of a target.

This is normality for us. It is normal to fear being catcalled, harassed or groped.

By normal, we do not mean acceptable - we grimace, express disgust and show solidarity with others in the aftermath of these violations. However, this happens so often, so frequently, we move on without any consequence or accountability. We are exhausted. We have had enough.

It is also normal to place the onus of responsibility on women. We are all socialised and taught how ‘to be safe,’ as though that will protect us. Some asked why Sarah was walking at night by herself, with one man on Twitter comparing this to leaving a car unattended with the keys in the ignition, and expecting it not to be stolen.

Let us be clear - these comments are fuelled by victim-blaming and make every single woman want to scream in frustration. Sarah was walking home. Women should be able to travel home in 2021 without fear for their lives.

Our many experiences and stories show that no matter what we do, we cannot avoid harassment or threats to our safety, even if we spend our lives living in fear and worry. Why? Because we are not the problem. Our behaviour is not the problem.

We need a different conversation - how to end male violence against women.

We know that violence against women is endemic:

>Two women are killed every week in England by their partner or ex-partner.
>According to a Government report, 6 out of 10 girls in the UK have been sexually abused at school.
>According to the 2019 Crime Survey of England and Wales, police received over 100 calls relating to domestic abuse every hour.
>These are the recorded calls for domestic abuse. We know that inequalities intersect and that many BAME, disabled and LGBTQIA+ women face additional discrimination and barriers to reporting domestic abuse and as a result many instances go unrecorded.
>BAME women are suffering a “crisis of support”- over half (51%) of BAME women say they were not sure where to turn for help during the COVID pandemic.
>Disabled women are twice as likely to experience domestic abuse than non-disabled women and are 3.5 times more likely to experience a violent crime.
>Stonewall research suggests that 11% of the LGBTQIA+ population have experienced domestic abuse in the last year; twice as high as the population as a whole.
>Despite record volumes of cases being reported to police, the prosecution rates for rape in England and Wales is at an all-time low.
>According to a recent survey from UN Women UK, as reported by the Guardian, 97% women aged 18-24 have been sexually harassed, and 80% women across all ages said they have experience sexual harassment in public. 96% respondents did not report the incidents, with 45% saying it wouldn’t change anything.

We know that inequalities intersect and the violence and harassment marginalised groups of women face deserves greater condemnation, awareness and understanding.

These are not unrelated facts or figures, they are evidence of systems of inequality and sexism which has pervaded our society for too long. This should absolutely sicken and enrage us all.

Enough is enough. It is time for change.

Women cannot continue to spend their lives in fear for their personal safety. Women should be free to exist without fear of violence. No woman should be unsafe on our streets or anywhere else, no matter the time of day.

Our male allies must listen, believe women, support our calls for change, and fight beside us in their belief that violence against women and girls is not acceptable, normal or inevitable.

We are calling on our male allies to:

Listen, believe & support women. What is clear from this week is that many men are not aware of the extent to which violence and harassment shapes women’s everyday lives. This must act as a wake-up call. Every single woman has a story. Please listen, believe her and support her calls for change. She is an expert by experience. Educate yourself on our realities and what additional discriminations BAME, disabled and LGBTQIA+ women shamefully experience.

Modify your behaviour and call out misogyny when you see it amongst your friends. Please listen to women when they tell you what makes them feel unsafe. Cross the road if you are walking behind a woman in the dark. Do not overtake her. Please do not be a passive bystander when you see harassment or sexism taking place at home or in public places. Take a zero tolerance approach. Call it out among your friends and offer women support, validation and amplify their voices. It may seem like a small incident to you, however for many women, navigating their safety is shamefully their everyday reality.

Vocally and publicly support these campaigns:

Sign the Our Streets Now petition.
Sign this petition to hold the two Metropolitan police officers who allegedly took and distributed photographs of Bibaa Henry and Nicole Smallman accountable for their actions.
Email your MP to demand misogyny becomes a hate crime through the Domestic Abuse Bill.
Sign this petition upholding the rights of disabled survivors of domestic abuse in the Domestic Abuse Bil

If you are able to, financially support these organisations:

B.A.W.S.O. Black Association of Women Step Out
Disabled Survivors Unite
End Violence Against Women coalition
Imkaam
Rape Crisis
Refuge
Rights of Women
Safe Lives
Saheli Asian Women's Project
Stay Safe East
Women's Aid (England); Welsh Women's Aid; Scottish Women's Aid; Women's Aid Federation Northern Ireland

To Sarah Everard’s family and friends, we are heartbroken for you and keep you in our thoughts.